Five Things Never to do to a Llama
Never discuss dental hygiene with a llama.
Never verbally threaten a llama.
Never ask a llama if he was trained by Al Qaeda
Never call a llama “the illegal immigrant of the American barnyard.”
Never, ever use the word: “llama-burger.”
The first is the ability to precision spit with an accuracy that would make an Olympic sharpshooter blush. The second is the capacity of llamas to manufacture oceans of noxious bile within the depths of their stomachs — no doubt stored near their dark hearts.
But should you find that you have succumbed to temptation and disregarded my above warnings by engaging a llama in dialogue, and should you value the company of family and friends, then please listen carefully to my counsel: The moment that diabolical creature lowers his ears — run! Run for your life. Run for the sake of generations yet to be born. Run and don’t look back.